tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998810757392605852011-07-08T07:31:27.717-06:00Practical Wisdom for Relationships, Parenting, Personal Growth, Bereavement and Health & Well Being.Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comBlogger831100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-4976629227945253632009-04-07T16:29:00.003-06:002010-05-19T13:41:48.986-06:00

by Gwen Randall-YoungVisit Gwen's YouTube ChannelVideo slideshow by Kim Tanasichuk Psychology for Living. Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young. All Rights Reserved. If you would like to post this article on your website, please contact us.Buy Healing Hypnosis CDs on This Topic: Healing Your Inner Child, Healing the Past

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-21637048357675161412009-03-02T14:36:00.000-07:002009-03-02T14:36:52.620-07:00

"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked." ~ Bill CosbyGood communication between couples can be a challenge at the best of times, but becomes even more difficult when there is a hot issue. Often couples do not have a healthy process for airing disagreements. If a partner brings up an issue

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-84097719074041845092009-01-07T12:23:00.000-07:002009-01-07T12:23:51.658-07:00

In past columns I dealt with strategies for making life easier for children in blended families. This time we will look at some of the issues faced by adults. If both parents re-marry, there are now four parents instead of the traditional two. Each of the four likely has a different idea as to how life should be managed. This can create conflict not only between the two sets of parents, but

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-63473878533919642262008-12-10T10:27:00.000-07:002008-12-10T10:27:21.618-07:00

"An authoritative study by George Gerbner of the University of Pennsylvania indicated that the average 16-year-old has witnessed 200,000 violent acts on TV, including 33,000 murders." ~Robert Scheer"We played the game by day and lived the game by night." ~an anonymous, incarcerated Oakland, California gang member who says he and his friends

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-74288141885521378092008-11-28T17:25:00.001-07:002008-11-28T17:25:48.757-07:00

"Be calm in arguing; for fierceness makes error in fault, and truth discourtesy." ~George HerbertDid you ever notice that arguing rarely solves anything? Yet, in families or relationships arguing is often a common occurrence. Interestingly, it is often the same arguments that are repeated again and again. Why do people argue? Generally there

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-67732263309525936992008-11-21T12:05:00.000-07:002008-11-21T12:05:17.128-07:00

"One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself." ~ Mark Twain No one likes to be criticized. When parents are angry or critical with children, the children feel rejected and unloved. This happens regardless of how much they truly know their

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-71916208752185558092008-11-05T14:41:00.000-07:002008-11-05T14:42:16.763-07:00

"The best thing for an argument is not words and ideas, but to stop arguing." ~UnknownConflicts often occur between couples—it is a fact of life. Some couples are able to resolve them and move on, while for others, the issue remains smoldering, ready to flare up at any time. I reflected on some of the qualities that correlate with healthy resolution

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-11067201398250380772008-10-27T12:39:00.000-06:002008-10-27T12:39:04.767-06:00

"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud." ~Coco Chanel It is always our hope that when our children become teenagers they will be able to make good choices, and resist pressure from peers to do things we would rather they not do. Many factors contribute to the

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-67714692635159464722008-10-20T14:44:00.000-06:002008-10-20T14:44:02.939-06:00

"Dance for yourself. If someone understands, good. If not then no matter, go right on doing what you love." ~UnknownIt is my belief that one of the best antidotes for a stressful life is to be involved in something you are passionate about – something you love. Of course, learning to relax, eliminating as much conflict as possible, exercising and breathing fresh air

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-76792141903826014722008-10-16T16:14:00.000-06:002008-10-16T16:14:21.676-06:00

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul." ~Samuel UllmanSomewhere around mid-life many people notice their memory is not what it once was. We wonder where we put our glasses, or what it was that we came into the kitchen for. Some find they do not

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-13132019969709317722008-10-14T13:18:00.000-06:002008-10-14T13:18:33.136-06:00

"More than one soul dies in a suicide." ~UnknownHaving worked with many people who have suffered from the suicide of a friend or family member, it is clear that a common feeling is one of guilt. Anyone who knew the person asks themselves if there is anything they could have done that might have made a difference. Those who were in conflict with the suicide victim, or

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-51792227162841573902008-10-10T12:16:00.000-06:002008-10-10T12:16:49.741-06:00

"The essence of our effort to see that every child has a chance must be to assure each an equal opportunity, not to become equal, but to become different - to realize whatever unique potential of body, mind and spirit he or she possesses." ~ John FischerNo two children are the same. If we really look at the children in a family, it is not difficult to see distinctly

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-31675553994033825182008-10-06T16:36:00.000-06:002008-10-06T16:36:55.391-06:00

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being re-created." ~Brenda UelandA husband recently told me he was worried because his wife was not talking to him. I did not have the opportunity to discuss

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-16097364692986245872008-09-29T11:01:00.000-06:002008-09-29T11:01:41.165-06:00

"Hypnosis is not only a tool to make wonderful changes in your life, it's a way to de-stress. Your pulse slows. Your blood pressure comes down. When that happens, you see things more clearly. You're primed for making changes." ~Rhoda KopyEveryone has had the experience of setting goals for themselves, or deciding to change old ways of being, only to find themselves

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-83724209108301416052008-09-24T18:06:00.002-06:002008-09-24T18:09:38.652-06:00

"The difference between coarse and refined abuse is the difference between being bruised by a club and wounded by a poisoned arrow." ~ Samuel JohnsonI have a copier that allows me to reduce the size of a document. With touch of a button, a copy comes out that is 70% of the original size. If I want it to be smaller, I can take that copy, and reduce it down to 70%. If I

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-50521012156936507342008-09-19T12:07:00.000-06:002008-09-19T12:09:27.019-06:00

"It is health that is the real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver." ~ Mahatma GandhiWhen writing about smoking one runs the risk of either preaching to the converted, or annoying those who wish everyone would just go away and let them smoke in peace. However, there is no question that smoking is a serious health hazard, not only for the smoker, but for those

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-16782092515814227262008-09-15T12:45:00.000-06:002008-09-15T12:45:47.598-06:00

"Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners." ~ Fred Allen A reader recently suggested I address the issue of bosses who bully. She pointed out there a growing awareness about bullying in schools, and steps have been taken to eliminate it. However, not so much has

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-87991065061178576852008-09-12T11:13:00.000-06:002008-09-12T11:13:35.000-06:00

"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears." ~Les BrownDespite statistics that say flying is twenty-nine times safer than driving in an automobile, many are plagued with a fear of flying. This can make flying a grueling experience, if not an impossible one. The fear of flying is not so much about possible risks, but is

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-1703126517907457142008-09-08T13:21:00.000-06:002008-09-08T13:22:23.035-06:00

"Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." ~David Lloyd GeorgeSometimes fear stops us from trying new things, or taking a risk. If we stop to ask ourselves what we really are afraid of, it is often what I call a “shadow fear”. By this, I mean it is not a fear of something that might actually cause distress in our lives, but rather

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-89886490073566696132008-09-03T11:57:00.000-06:002008-09-03T11:57:17.879-06:00

"To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee." ~William H. WaltonAre you carrying a grudge, or nursing an old emotional wound? It is easy enough to do, for we are all, at some level, sensitive beings. The problem here is that carrying that grudge keeps it alive and active in our consciousness, as though it just happened yesterday. If you stubbed your

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-51718352257741551582008-09-01T10:49:00.002-06:002008-09-01T10:51:11.015-06:00

"Many a man wishes he were strong enough to tear a telephone book in half - especially if he has a teenage daughter." ~ Guy LombardoHas your teenaged daughter suddenly morphed into an alien? Is the sweet girl who used to love to hang out with you and tell you everything become withdrawn and uncommunicative? Are you distressed because you wanted to

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-56085040722851437782008-08-27T17:50:00.000-06:002008-08-27T17:50:45.636-06:00

"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you." ~Anthony RobbinsHave you ever walked a distance, looking down at the ground, and then looked up, surprised at how far you had travelled? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-30657568648278652132008-08-25T11:28:00.000-06:002008-08-25T11:29:00.643-06:00

"It is only too easy to compel a sensitive human being to feel guilty about anything." ~ Morton Irving SeidenMany people are victims of emotional blackmail and do not even realize it. Emotional blackmail is when others try to hold us responsible for how they will feel if we do not do what they want: “Sure, go out with your friends and leave me here

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-37460737658676158852008-08-22T12:22:00.002-06:002008-08-22T12:24:31.663-06:00

"Worry is the darkroom that develops our negatives." ~UnknownThe other day when I was driving, a roadside sign caught my eye. It said: “Worry is the darkroom that develops our negatives.” Wow. What a powerful statement, and how very true. To worry means to feel anxious or uneasy. All worry is a product of the mind. We can use our minds to keep us in

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-91254005355687245212008-08-18T11:33:00.000-06:002008-08-18T11:33:34.082-06:00

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." ~Albert Einstein Intelligence is not just about “book learning.” We all know of people who achieved great success, be it in farming, business, or computer technology who may not even have completed high school.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-85707558746482825792008-08-14T10:32:00.000-06:002008-08-14T10:33:14.148-06:00

"An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind." ~Mahatma GandhiPeople tell me repeatedly that the reason for their mean, aggressive, or otherwise hurtful behavior is because someone treated them badly first. If a behavior is inappropriate, how does the fact that someone did it first suddenly make it acceptable? Simply, it does not. If we think

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-61011844823819429802008-08-11T14:08:00.001-06:002008-08-11T16:37:59.129-06:00

"Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill." ~Siddhartha Gotoma (or Buddha)In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Always be impeccable with your word.” I love this, because there is so much embedded in such a simple phrase.The word “impeccable” means faultless, irreproachable.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-7869494078001106152008-08-08T11:34:00.000-06:002008-08-08T11:34:56.525-06:00

"The first divorce in the world may have been a tragedy, but the hundred-millionth is not necessarily one." ~Anatole BroyardI shudder when I hear the term 'failed marriage,' or that someone 'failed' a grade at school. To 'fail,' according to the dictionary, is to not succeed; be unable to do or become what is wanted, attempted or expected; come out badly. According to

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-52860011668050204542008-08-05T13:32:00.002-06:002008-08-05T13:33:56.401-06:00

"Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love." ~UnknownAnger is an emotion that creates much difficulty and confusion in life, and still there is little consensus about how it should be handled or expressed. The way in which we deal with anger may be a measure of our evolution, both as individuals, and as a species. We do have

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-33263614407850269572008-08-01T16:04:00.000-06:002008-08-01T16:04:27.515-06:00

"Let us forgive each other - only then will we live in peace." ~Leo TolstoyA reader recently asked a question about forgiveness. Sometimes we know intellectually that we need to forgive and move on, but we cannot seem to let go of the bitterness remaining after we have been hurt. It is interesting to consider that the hurtful event is in the past.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-72092239230036913262008-07-30T17:59:00.003-06:002008-07-30T18:08:17.547-06:00

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." ~Richard Bach I have been asked to write something about in-laws, particularly as a time of family gatherings approaches. This is a complicated topic to address, because there are so many dimensions to it, depending on the individual situation. I will start

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-35197413419655265872008-07-23T10:43:00.001-06:002008-07-23T10:44:41.700-06:00

"It is the unseen and the spiritual in people that determines the outward and the actual." ~ Thomas CarlyleTo my mind, having a spiritual understanding or perspective can be as simple as recognizing the spirit that infuses all things. It is knowing there is something deeper in each of us than the roles we play in this lifetime. It is also honoring the essence of others,

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-65236438665233136852008-07-21T12:48:00.001-06:002008-07-21T12:49:14.294-06:00

"Bullying takes so many different forms that, frankly, it's hard to recognize all the time. But it is very important for us to deal with this." ~Michael HansonIt is time to bring bullying out of the closet. Bullying is when one or more individuals pick on another. It involves physical or verbal intimidation or abuse, and may include exclusion. Thankfully we are aware

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-63295641614474371452008-07-17T15:33:00.001-06:002008-07-16T15:34:57.020-06:00

"It's quite unusual for people to contribute to mental illness organizations because, I think, there's still stigma attached to the illness." ~ Peter Stuart After I wrote about the perceived stigma around anxiety and depression, an astute reader suggested I also talk about the stigma surrounding other mental illnesses such as obsessive compulsive disorder, manic

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-39252581333699300462008-07-14T11:55:00.000-06:002008-07-14T11:55:42.471-06:00

"True love is always unconditional. Healthy, loving relationships are never unconditional" ~Harold J. Duarte-BernhardtThis column is the last of a three-part series about marriage. We first considered some of the wrong reasons for getting married, and then looked at serious pitfalls that should be avoided. We will now consider the positive side: what to look for in a

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-54852377064211689432008-07-07T14:40:00.000-06:002008-07-07T14:41:34.302-06:00

"For parenting teens you need a whole new set of tools." ~ Roberta ZellekeEach new generation of parents has things to deal with that their parents did not. Today’s parents must cope with the prevalence of technology in the lives of their children, easier access to recreational drugs, and the fact that children simply are growing up so much faster.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-36024285372717171462008-07-03T12:42:00.003-06:002008-07-03T12:43:29.953-06:00

Do you, or does anyone you know worry about getting old? It can be quite natural to lament the passing of youth, However if it is agonizing to think about advancing years, or depressing to look in the mirror and see signs of aging, then the problem may run deeper. My theory is that people who worry excessively about getting older may do so because they have not been living fully. On some level

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-55303581906157993432008-06-30T17:29:00.004-06:002008-06-30T17:33:23.945-06:00

"I don't think it's necessarily healthy to go into relationships as a needy person. Better to go in with a full deck." ~Anjelica HustonIn a previous column we looked at some of the wrong reasons for getting married. These included marrying to get away from home, marrying out of a fear of being alone, or marrying because all your friends are getting married. Sometimes

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-91607830239412210242008-06-27T16:38:00.006-06:002008-06-27T16:45:35.703-06:00

Downloads now available!36 Hypnosis Titles Now Available!By Psychologist Gwen Randall-YoungHypnosis CDs: $20.00 CADHypnosis MP3s: $16.00 CADEBooks:The Universe Within Volume 1: $18.00The Universe Within Volume 2: $18.00Free Resources:Audio Interviews with Gwen Randall-Young100s of free articleswww.gwen.ca Psychology for Living. Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young. All Rights Reserved. If you would

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-65876403709983903132008-06-26T15:56:00.001-06:002008-06-26T15:58:03.926-06:00

"Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life." ~Joan LundenAre you harboring resentment towards a person or situation right now? If you are, it means you are either hurt, angry, feel misunderstood, or that someone is

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-66979847730984507202008-06-23T14:48:00.001-06:002008-06-23T14:49:18.163-06:00

"A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her." ~Helen RowlandI recently had an e-mail from a reader who felt that some of my columns seem to slant in favor of women. She pointed out that there are many good fathers out there who have been left by their wives, and are doing a great job.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-59253237934817472552008-06-19T13:49:00.000-06:002008-06-19T13:49:34.210-06:00

"'You'll get over it...' It's the cliches that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death. This hole in my heart is in the

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-84493810122392635042008-06-16T11:41:00.003-06:002008-06-16T11:43:54.483-06:00

"Age is no barrier. It's a limitation you put on your mind." ~ UnknownIn our culture, we have not learned to celebrate the aging process. Of course there is the ubiquitous emphasis on youth, with a fashion and cosmetic industry determined to counteract the ‘appearance’ of aging. Somehow this avoids dealing with the reality that we do age. I recently

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-76463224284864291252008-06-12T10:43:00.000-06:002008-06-12T10:43:34.001-06:00

"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." ~Thomas JeffersonA strong couple relationship requires honesty and openness. To feel an intimate connection with our partner, we need to really know him or her. Our partner cannot truly know us if we keep parts of ourselves, or our lives, hidden. That is why open communication is so important—not

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-35227518467576088962008-06-09T11:11:00.000-06:002008-06-09T11:11:25.237-06:00

"Until you've learned to ignore your inner critic, your fears will feel like reality, not illusion." ~Christine Comaford-Lynch Do you have an inner critic that works overtime? An inner critic is that little voice in your head that tells you that you have not accomplished enough, are not good enough, and will never be all that you want to be. It may

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-64158140358584438892008-06-05T12:19:00.003-06:002008-06-05T12:23:01.589-06:00

"It does not good to think moralistically about how much time we waste. Wasted time is usually good soul time." ~ Thomas MooreYou know you are a workaholic when you feel every minute of your day must be productive, even when you are not at work. Workaholics make big lists of what needs to be done, and then berate themselves when not all items are checked off.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-83201789139057152472008-06-03T11:13:00.000-06:002008-06-03T11:13:43.836-06:00

"Look for the wounded soul that is often hidden deeply under this person's toxic comments and personality traits." ~Leonard FelderDo you struggle with difficult relatives? Is there someone in your family who always manages to take a shot at you, or manages to find some way to put you down at every family gathering? Do you dread family functions because you start

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-71415813303862682792008-05-29T10:46:00.000-06:002008-05-29T10:46:24.640-06:00

"Discipline doesn't break a child's spirit half as often as the lack of it breaks the parent's heart." ~UnknownParents often struggle with saying “no” when a child or teenager wants to go somewhere or do something the parent is not comfortable with. It is more difficult when the child’s friends have the freedom to do the very thing the parents are questioning. As

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-67910131995086067582008-05-26T11:23:00.000-06:002008-05-26T11:23:15.183-06:00

"Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings." ~Ralph BlumAgain and again in my practice I see how the events of one’s childhood or adolescence can continue to affect feelings, reactions and behaviors well into adulthood, and perhaps for an entire lifetime. The child who felt unfairly treated

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-12979911505149655492008-05-22T17:15:00.000-06:002008-05-22T17:15:52.970-06:00

"Love lasts when the relationship comes first." ~UnknownPeople often wonder what happens when a couple goes for relationship counseling. Sometimes one partner wants to seek help, while the other is resistant. Typically, it is the woman who encourages counseling, because women are used to discussing things with their friends, and do not find it odd to think of talking

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-1127620499325065912008-05-19T11:15:00.000-06:002008-05-19T11:15:42.473-06:00

"No one wins in a power struggle. No one." ~Kitty KellyPower struggles can be common in relationships. This can happen with a spouse, a child/parent, or with a boss/coworker. This occurs when two people disagree and try to convince the other of the correctness of their position. Generally, this boils down to an argument, or perhaps a more subtle struggle,

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-45911091152343035482008-05-15T11:26:00.000-06:002008-05-15T11:26:43.097-06:00

"First the man takes a drink; then a drink takes a drink; then the drink takes the man." ~ Japanese ProverbAlcoholism is an insidious disease. It adversely affects the life of the drinker, as well as his or her family. Many people think of alcoholics as people who start their day with a drink and are

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-35288803692600099652008-05-13T11:08:00.001-06:002008-08-11T16:56:29.244-06:00

"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not." ~Oprah WinfreyWhat is infidelity in a relationship? Generally we think that it involves a sexual incident or relationship with someone else. There are those who deny the existence of infidelity by saying “nothing happened”, meaning, I did not have sex with that

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-28867066675859852542008-05-09T17:57:00.000-06:002008-05-09T17:57:17.178-06:00

People often ask my why it is that so many of us are struggling with tough issues right now, It seems that almost everyone is dealing with some crisis in their lives. It may be marital problems, difficulties with children, parents or perhaps upheaval at work. Certainly one response is that the world is much more complicated now than it used to be, and another response is that we are a little

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-77310175114722841042008-05-06T12:01:00.001-06:002008-05-13T18:14:54.806-06:00

Contemplating marriage? Think again. If you are making this commitment, it is important to be doing it for the right reasons. You love each other and that is wonderful. But it may not be sufficient reason to marry. There are many different kinds of love, and some make for good marriages, and some do not. The romantic notion that there is only one true love for each of us can be a real trap.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-30250114489923733682008-05-01T11:59:00.000-06:002008-05-01T11:59:16.083-06:00

Do you enjoy your own company? Are you good for you to be with? These might sound like strange questions, but it has been suggested that one of the reasons that we keep our lives so busy is because we are not comfortable being alone with our innermost thoughts and feelings. For some, when they get themselves alone, it is a time for self-judgment and criticism. They replay in their

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-90514060087888629162008-04-29T11:05:00.006-06:002008-04-29T11:15:09.030-06:00

What does it mean to be right? This is an important question, so many problem issues boil down to a disagreement over who is right. Factual questions may be answered by checking a reliable information source, but what about those questions that are a matter of opinion, or personal philosophy? Being right, and knowing truth, but it affects our lives in profound ways, if we get the two mixed

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-53858827819188911502008-04-25T09:00:00.000-06:002008-04-24T18:14:22.404-06:00

I walked past a lady in a supermarket the other day. She was harried for sure, with three small, fussy children. One in particular was being espe­cially difficult. The mother's frustration grew as she admonished the child, with little effect. Finally, she raised her voice and said, "If you don't stop that right now, I'm going to go away and leave you here." Several courses of action

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-58441383805506885442008-04-23T11:02:00.002-06:002008-04-25T16:56:40.663-06:00

How often have you heard it said that we get so little training for the major things in life, like marriage and parenting? Well, that is slowly changing, although too often the training comes after the fact. There is another life event for which most people are totally unprepared, and that is the ending of a relationship. Now this may be a love relationship, or a friendship, but whatever

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-27597222913994796842008-04-18T10:10:00.000-06:002008-04-18T10:10:56.776-06:00

Procrastination is, I think, a form of self-torture. We may put things off again and again, and thereby escape the task. However, what we cannot escape is the constant inner nagging. The more things we procrastinate about, the longer our ‘to-do’ list becomes. Then guilt starts to build, because we know these things need our attention. Eventually it is hard to enjoy our leisure

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-47836687510851860922008-04-14T12:42:00.000-06:002008-04-14T12:42:26.579-06:00

"There is a connection between self-nurturing and self-respect." ~Julia Cameron Is your life making you sick? Do you feel stressed, tired, have low energy and little tolerance for frustration? If so, you are either doing too much, doing things you do not enjoy, or doing things with

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-80932085869066672342008-04-08T15:52:00.000-06:002008-04-08T15:52:50.011-06:00

"Lying is done with words and also with silence." ~Adrienne RichPeople lie for many reasons. Generally it is because they feel someone would be mad or upset with them if they knew the truth. What this means is that they betray the trust of another to protect themselves from the consequences of their behavior. The minute one does this the relationship

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-37224392537750170942008-04-02T14:00:00.001-06:002008-04-03T12:28:02.971-06:00

Losing friends or loved ones hurts. It hurts deeply. Sometimes the pain seems unbearable. And it feels as if will never end. Many people have their own wisdom about death, their own understandings of what it all means. This can certainly be offered to assist others in their process, but should never be imposed. We cannot tell others how to grieve, or what a death means, because

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-28210223761450467842008-03-28T10:23:00.001-06:002008-03-28T10:24:52.584-06:00

It has been said that the qualities in others that irritate us the most, are qualities that we ourselves have, although we may be unaware, or in denial of their existence. It is so much easier to see what is “wrong” with others, than it is to see our own shortcomings. An interesting exercise is to make a list of the characteristics you dislike in your partner, relative or

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-89649430442904555062008-03-25T12:56:00.000-06:002008-03-25T12:56:14.619-06:00

The hardest part of loving is letting go. It is hard, because love makes us want to hold on. Well actually, it is not the love that makes us hold on, it is the fear of losing it. When we love someone, or something, that presence in our lives makes us happy. We never want it to go away. However, nothing is permanent, so eventually we must deal with the changes that time brings.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-60809321497646629202008-03-21T08:42:00.000-06:002008-03-20T16:45:34.115-06:00

Recently I was flying from Seattle to Edmonton, and was booked on the last flight of the night. An hour before flight time, the board flashed with a weather warning. We were told that if the plane could not land in Edmonton, we would fly back to Seattle. All of the waiting passengers became a little edgy. It was already late, and spending three hours in the air, only to end up back where we

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-68037820771840632992008-03-18T09:24:00.001-06:002008-03-18T15:00:30.370-06:00

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." ~Leo F. BuscagliaStress seems to be a fact of modern life. If we analyze stress, a large proportion of it is created by worry. Worry that we will be late, will not get finished on time, will not do well. Add to this the worry we have about others: will they be safe, happy, make good choices. Then

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-35209080891581866222008-03-17T11:40:00.000-06:002008-03-17T11:40:21.552-06:00

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection." ~Buddha Self-esteem is a measure of how much we value and appreciate ourselves. Undoubtedly our childhood experiences have a major impact on this attribute. We may have received negative messages,

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-1590505048829036462008-03-06T15:38:00.000-07:002008-03-19T11:36:27.784-06:00

"As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others." ~Robert H. Schuller Parents often think of their children as blank slates onto which they can “design” the person the child will grow into. While it is vitally important to teach children moral values and appropriate social skills, attempting to shape a child into a certain “type” is taking

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-51761539505006279402008-02-28T21:58:00.001-07:002008-03-14T11:05:36.940-06:00

We have come a long way from the days of “spare the rod and spoil the child.” There was a time when hitting children was considered normal. Most would now agree that this is unacceptable, and further, it sends the child the wrong message. We have laws now to protect individuals from physical abuse. We have not made the same progress in terms of verbal abuse. Parents get frustrated with

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-63659729471072065032008-02-25T21:54:00.001-07:002008-03-14T11:05:19.903-06:00

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you." ~Dr. Joyce BrothersSometimes in love relationships a comment is made that begins with, “If you really loved me you would….”. When I work with couples I suggest that they remove that phrase from their relationship vocabulary because it creates nothing

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-59237422087112373862008-02-21T14:49:00.001-07:002008-03-14T11:04:35.881-06:00

All children fight. Isn’t that what we hear generation after generation? To my mind, there is only one reason children fight, and it is not because they are biologically wired to do so. Certainly, humans all have some aggressive instincts, but we do not all act on those. The days of the caveman and his club are long gone. (Now, he has to date the woman, and when he goes into

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-90626488014653914122008-02-18T23:44:00.001-07:002008-03-14T11:04:05.539-06:00

In some relationships seems hard to express who we are and what we need, without the other becoming offended. Some individuals are what we call ‘co-dependent’, meaning that they hold others responsible for their happiness. If you are not behaving in the ways they want you to, they become upset. You end up spending a lot of time trying to justify your feelings and your actions.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-7177826838291203642008-02-14T22:15:00.001-07:002008-02-14T13:23:26.691-07:00

Are you upset or angry with someone in your life? Did the situation which caused you to feel that way happen just recently, or some time ago? What does it feel like, in your body, when you think about this? Often we feel a tightening or heaviness in our heart or our gut. No matter what someone has done to us, no matter how right we might be to feel upset, we are the ones who carry the emotional

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-35905306678762392802008-02-11T12:13:00.000-07:002008-02-11T12:11:33.508-07:00

It seems common in our culture that somewhere between the ages of thirty-eight and forty-five, big shifts happen. This is the time of mid-life, hence the term “mid-life crisis.” This term has been used in many different ways, and has tended to become trivialized. It is the nature of life that we go through “stages.” The term “terrible twos” refers to the time when an infant is

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-16464898078042088932008-02-07T18:28:00.000-07:002008-02-07T18:28:21.422-07:00

"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." ~Robert FulghumI work with many parents who struggle with trying to get their children to change undesirable behaviors. Often they have good strategies, but somehow the behaviors persist. Upon closer examination, they will often mention that they are not always

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-85417947058562199032008-02-04T10:32:00.000-07:002008-02-04T10:41:37.133-07:00

"If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience." ~Swami VivekanandaSometimes thoughts alone can make us feel sad, depressed or anxious. To someone looking in, all may

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-5446124214234932272008-01-31T10:34:00.000-07:002008-01-31T10:35:07.520-07:00

"...whenever we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make assumptions, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing." ~Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four AgreementsOne of the biggest problems I see in couples’ communication is when one or both partners make assumptions about what the other is thinking or feeling. The

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-72227209729781612432008-01-28T12:08:00.000-07:002008-01-28T10:56:02.201-07:00

As children approach their teen years there are often changes that can be disconcerting to parents. Children are growing intellectually, and think more than when they were young. A six year old may, for the most part, do what he is told, and while he may not agree with what his parents want him to do, he does not question their right to exercise their parental authority. By the

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-58141696664958135002008-01-24T11:35:00.000-07:002008-01-24T11:59:30.470-07:00

I had a conversation with some young adults about the suicide of a teenager who re-enacted the death of Kurt Cobain. I asked them how big a factor they thought that the music might have been. They replied that there were so many other factors which were likely more important. In my experience, if a client is sad or depressed, they may be drawn to lyrics expressing hopelessness

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-57221559046494617902008-01-21T10:51:00.000-07:002008-01-21T17:47:11.331-07:00

Many people struggle with weight loss, trying diet after diet. They may lose weight initially, but then over time, it comes back. Despite a strong desire and fairly good will power, old habits have a way of creeping back.The reason for this is that often eating habits are fueled by motivations that exist deep within the subconscious mind. Perhaps in childhood food was used as a reward.

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-90042550191939612272008-01-15T15:05:00.000-07:002008-01-21T17:46:52.338-07:00

"So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us." ~Gaston BachelardEven if one has had a very good childhood, there are often a few incidents which have left their mark—a mark which may affect aspects of adult functioning. Perhaps it was not being chosen for a team, or friends being mean. It might have been being left with a babysitter, too young to

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699881075739260585.post-21257235731130331602008-01-14T16:54:00.000-07:002008-01-21T17:46:28.266-07:00

"Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand." ~Sue PattonTalking is easy but true communication can be difficult. One of the reasons for this is that people are often more interested in expressing their opinion or point of view than in really

Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06806216088213101013noreply@blogger.com0